Laverne Cox revealed that she once attempted suicide when she was just 11-years old.
Ahead of the release of her new book Transcendent, Cox shared the shame she experienced from sexual abuse at 13. She recalled two older boys sexually assaulting her in a church bathroom.
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling that you’re unworthy of connection or belonging,” Cox told PEOPLE. If someone finds this out about me, I’ll never be worthy of love. And that was what came up for me, even writing the chapter.”
Cox said she attempted suicide by swallowing all of her mother’s pills, but she woke up the next morning and never told anyone. She shared what kept her alive during that tumultuous time.
“Dancing and school kept me alive,” Cox said. Eventually, she transferred to the Alabama School of Fine Arts for high school to cultivate her passion.
“My mother letting me take dance classes. Even though the teacher said they would make me gay — and her prioritizing education, that’s why I’m here,” she explained.
Writing the book led Cox to visit her most painful moments.
“Writing this book brought back all the traumatic, awful shaming from my childhood,” she says. “But there was also a very resilient child. Even through all the terrible things people may experience in life, there is something inside all of us — resilience. I always had this feeling that I was put here for something bigger.”
Cox said she’s learned to stay in the present when feelings of “unworthiness” emerged.
“That is 8-year-old Laverne,” she says. “I was hijacked by all of the things that happened to me as a child. But I got to a place where I was able to let go and understand that I could define myself on my own terms and that I’m worthy of love and connection.”