Iyanla Vanzant is speaking out about her personal grieving process, revealing that she chose to skip her daughter’s funeral to prioritize her own emotional well-being.
During a recent appearance on “The Jason Lee Show,” the former “Iyanla: Fix My Life” host explained that attending the public service did not feel like a healthy or safe environment for her at the time. “My first responsibility is to take care of me,” Vanzant said during the candid interview.
She noted that while she did not attend the official ceremony, she honored her child through private prayer and a personal ceremony at home to elevate her daughter’s soul. Vanzant argued that funerals are primarily intended for the living and should not be viewed as a mandatory obligation that overrides an individual’s personal boundaries.
Vanzant has faced the tragic loss of two daughters over the last two decades. Her youngest, Nisa Vanzant, died at age 49 in July 2023. Twenty years earlier, her eldest daughter, Gemmia, died from colon cancer on Christmas Day in 2003. During the interview, Vanzant did not specify which daughter’s funeral she was referring to, though she spoke broadly about the challenges and sacred nature of the mother-daughter bond.
“I wanted to heal the breach..”
The conversation also delved into Vanzant’s high-profile reconciliation with media mogul Oprah Winfrey. The two women famously experienced a professional fallout years ago, which Vanzant attributed to her own struggles with imposter syndrome. She said she felt at the time that she did not deserve the platform she had been given, which contributed to the breach in their relationship.
To repair the bond, Vanzant said she approached Winfrey without an agenda or expectations. “I wanted to heal the breach, and I was able to own my role in creating the breach,” Vanzant said. She shared that when she asked for forgiveness, Winfrey told her there was nothing to forgive, marking a turning point for the two Black women to demonstrate the power of authenticity and honesty.
Vanzant’s willingness to discuss these deeply personal topics comes as she continues to advocate for spiritual healing and radical self-care. By sharing her decision to mourn in private, she said she hopes to encourage others to set boundaries that protect their mental health, even in the face of societal expectations regarding grief and family dynamics.